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婚姻的最佳境界 Making Marriage the Best It Can Be（第1页）

婚姻的最佳境界MakingMarriagetheBestItBe

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佚名Anonymous

&wokindses，”

saysRichardExley，evaandauthor.“Badmarriagesandhardmarriages.”

Thinkaboutit:Weddingstakemenandwomenfrroundsaimesoppositetemperaments，withvariousaicexpes，aher.Theresult?Oftenfliger，disappoiandpain.There’shatmarriageishardorthatanymarriagegobad.Butbadmarriagesbemadebetter.Itjusttakesalotofwork.

MarriageAsWeKoBe

RaymondandIlearnedhebealmostimmediately—Istartedmedicalschooljustthreemonthsafter.Myclassschedule，tstudyingandicalrotatioimetogetherandstrainedmarriage.TheadditionofourfirstpouressofresidenweassumedlifewouldbeeasyifIpraagroupwithsharedcall.

&wodtwo—yes，wehadanother—weredemanding.Wewerebusywithdshort-termmissiontrips，andthreeofourparehin10years.Lifetookatollonusasindividualsandasacreeahaionship.

Wereadseveralexarriagewritteedandknowledgeableauthorities.Eaedexactlyrongandhowtofixit.Butwhehepriopractice，we’dgetaheadonlyalittlebefotstuthesameoldpatterimewetriedahardertobeginagain.

&uhRaymondaheotherdidn’thearoruaorfelt.Therewaslittleovertflict，yetlittleemotionalintimacy.Issueswentunresolved，asdider，whichledtoitment.Thoughwewerebothittedte，itlackeditsinalpassioainit.

Buthow?

MarriageAsWeHopedItCouldBe

WefoundanaendedaMeditalSoference.Drs.Alanandelsoheproblemsphysis’marriagesfaddescribedRegehegretreattheyearAspen，Colo.Itsouweneeded，so.Thefirstdatethatfitourschedulewaseightmonthsaway.EventhoughIdoubtedthose10dayswouldgeourrelationship，IthoughtavaColoradocouldbefunandrelaxingawouldhelp.

&includedgroupsessionsahasindividualsandasacouple.Theotherattendeeswereveryial；weallwerethereforsimilarreasons，soospeakfreelyabouthisorherproblems.Everyoneortiveanddcamaraderiedevelopedquickly.

TheNelsohe“threeuni，flictresolutionandent—andeeandfamilyourfirstprioritiesinsteadofallowingourworktotakeoverourschedules.Marriagehemotioimacy，theyexplained，aafflecteitheroyusuallyoccursbecausespouseslookawayfromeachothertohavetheseimeffulversationandsexualrelationswillnothappenregularlyunlessacoupleplansforthem.AsAlanemphasized，“Ifyanaffair，youwouldfindwaystobetogether.”

Sharingspiritualvaluesandprayiherwereemphasized.Itdrawscouplesclether，theysaid.Andwepersonallyfindittobeobotheninge.

Duringindividualgsessions，Raymondahefamilydynamiup—homeswherethefatherswereemotionallydistantandunsupportive.herofussawmuaourparentsmarriages.IfoundIeeetemotioherfailedtofulfill.Myhusband，inturn，struggledwithgemotionsabouthismilitaryserviVietnam，particularlywhyhesurvivedwhensomany，ingaclosefriend，didnot.

Injointsessions，weaddressedissuesthatstraiiohavoidedflictbysuppressihdrawiionally.Thuswegrewdistantanddidn’tewissuesastheyarose.Someofthemdatedbackseveralyearsbutremainedpainfulbecausewehadhem.Raymoillresentedmyfrequentabseneduringresidenhecaredforourinfantsonalone.Hislasitivityandsupportwhenmymotherwasillahomeuedtogallmeafterallthistime.Webegahelayersofhurtahatweopeelawaybeforeweciveeachotherandbuildaionship.

&gaveustimetogetherwithnodistras—our’teveelevisiothetrappingsandsofdailylife，lentyoftimetotalk，havefuelyputintopracticewhatwelearned.Wesimplyeher.Itwaslikeahoneymoon!

ittingtogourbehaviorafterwereturnedhome，Raymondaeoftheceptsthatwerepresentedaoreviewthemregularly.Wealsoidentifiedkeyareasweoimproveuponanddevelopedaplantoaplishthesegoals.Knowingweimeforthetwoofus，forexample，wemadealistoftimesduringtheweek，suchasTuesdayhursdayevenings，thatweittospeherregularly.

MarriageAsWeMakeIttoBe

Yes，marriageishard；sometimesweslipbatooldpatterns.eheadbacktothebasiuni，flictresolutionandent—andstartagain.RaymondandItalk，listen，fiveandpraymorethanever.

&tendedaweekendmarriageseminarwithoursonandhisfiaheirupingweddiraiokeepourrelationship—nowinits26thyearandg—turue，ewill.ButwithGod’shelp，itwillher.Ahershouldanyoneelse’s.

“婚姻有两种类型：劣质婚姻和艰苦婚姻。”

福音传教士、作家理查德·埃克斯利这样说道。

考虑一下：婚姻把来自不同背景的男人和女人结合在一起，有时他们甚至有相反的性格，有不同且不现实的抱负。

结果怎样呢？结果通常是冲突、恼怒、失望和痛苦。

不可否认，婚姻是艰难的，或者说任何婚姻都有可能变坏。

但是，只要多付出努力，糟糕的婚姻状况还是可以改善的。